Change the Way You Talk

Posted on by Scott

listen-1702648_640Each year, I identify a handful of personal challenges. This is different form setting resolutions – something that millions of people do as part of their New Year’s celebration. I used to set resolutions as well, but switched to challenges for a couple of reasons.

First of all, resolutions are often too vague. The most popular seem to be things like “get in shape” or “get organized.” While those are admirable goals to shoot for, they are simply too innocuous to mean anything. There aren’t any measurable steps spelled out which means people rarely start them or have a means to track their progress, a key part of self-motivation.

Secondly, resolutions that are specific tend to create pass/fail scenarios. People who resolve to start working out twice a week will often go through the process of joining a gym. Then they hit the weights for a week or so, only to suddenly miss a week due to work travel or conflicting commitments. Once the streak is broken, they fall back into bad habits and abandon the resolution because they missed the mark of perfection.

The whole point of year-end reflection and goal-setting isn’t perfection, though, it’s improvement. That’s why I like the idea of challenges vs. resolutions. Stating my goal as a challenge affirms, from the beginning, that this isn’t going to be easy. I’m going to have to work at it. I expect to stumble. So when I fall short, it’s ok to get up and try again. The game isn’t over just because I haven’t succeeded out of the gate.

Last week, I shared my first challenge for 2017: to change how I think. The second of my three challenges (my mind tends to work in threes) is to change the way I talk. Now there are those who say we should all just work on talking less. In fact, a friend at church one said “I never miss an opportunity to keep my mouth shut.” That’s sound advice, but given the chance to speak, what kind of words ought to come out? Here’s what I plan to focus on…

I’m going to try to speak in ways that encourage people. If there’s anything that this year’s election cycle proves, it’s that hateful language hasn’t gone anywhere. I find it incredible that so many people find it so easy to voice derogatory and hurtful things about someone else – typically someone they don’t even know. As I write this, I’m thinking about an interaction I witnessed Saturday night.

My wife and I were on the way to a Christmas party and stopped at the store to pick up something we’d forgotten as part of our gift package. As we checked out, two ladies entered. Something had apparently happened in the parking lot as they were glaring at each other. Suddenly they both began shouting. Profanity, insults, and threats were all there on display for the rest of us – including the young daughter of the vilest participant.

Though I haven’t been part of a spectacle like this, I’m not always very encouraging either. I need to stop participating in gossip. I need to stop shooting down ideas I don’t agree with. I can work harder to recognize people for the positive qualities they bring to the table and be a better cheerleader for their efforts.

I’m going to try and speak in ways that add value to outcomes. As I mentioned, I’m not always supportive of ideas that I don’t agree with. However, just because they aren’t my ideas, doesn’t mean they are bad ones. I’m challenging myself to either voice my support in a way that adds value or take my friend’s advice and keep my mouth shut.

The world of improv comedy has a number of valuable lessons for leaders. One of these is to replace “no, but” with “yes, and.” This means that instead of immediately identifying ways something won’t work, we look for ways to add value and assist in making the effort a success. It’s a subtle shift of two words, but a giant shift in attitude.

I’m going to try and speak in ways that invite participation. Sometimes I have a tendency to keep really great ideas to myself. I do the same thing with difficult projects I’m working on. I guess I’m either embarrassed to ask for help, or want to present a perfect solution. Neither is a healthy reason for keeping others out.

The third part of changing the way I talk is to invite more people to work with me on things. Instead of holding all the cards until I (hopefully) have things figured out, I’m going to try including others who might be able to help me be more successful. It’s more fun to work with others anyway, and burdens are lighter when shared with a friend. Plus, victory is that much sweeter when you have someone to share it with.

There are just a few days left in 2016. Are you thinking about what you’ll do differently in 2017? How does the language you use play into those plans? I’ll share my third personal challenge for 2017 in my last article of the year next Monday.

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What Will You Do Differently This Year?

Posted on by Scott

fitness-957115_640The New Year has arrived. Are you ready for it? Are you energized and excited? Are your goals set? I’m not talking about your business goals; things like revenue and customer growth. I’m talking about your goals – the things you want to accomplish this year. Do you have them written down?

A lot of people start January with a list of New Year’s resolutions; things they want to either start or change in order to improve their quality of life. Memberships to gyms and dieting plans are skyrocketing right now. Of course, by February, most resolutions will be forgotten or abandoned. I think that’s sad, because self-improvement is not something to be taken lightly. We should honor those commitments and work hard to succeed at them.

One of my favorite business and motivational speakers, Zig Ziglar, once said “With definite goals you release your own power, and things start happening.” I believe that is true. Without personal goals, I feel like I am just meandering my way through life. Maybe good things happen, maybe they don’t; but without goals I feel like I’m subject to the whims of fate.

Setting well-defined goals is like having a GPS for life. It creates not just a target to reach for, but a set of guidelines by which to get there. Once I’ve decided where I want to go and the route I want to take, the trip becomes easier and much more enjoyable.

Career Coach Dan Miller suggests seven different areas of life in which you should set personal goals. That may be a bit much for some people; especially if you’re like me. I’m not very disciplined, so having too many goals to achieve lessens my chance of accomplishing any of them. But let’s start with his list. See what goals you come up with for each of these categories.

  1. Financial. How much do you want to be earning this time next year? How much do you want to have saved or invested? How will improving your financial well-being impact your quality of life?
  2. Physical. What bad habits do you want to shed this year? What good ones do you want to pick up? What does your physically fit self look like? How will a change in your physical well-being impact your quality of life?
  3. Personal Development: What new skills would you like to learn this year? What gifts do you have that aren’t being utilized? How will spending time on your own development impact your quality of life?
  4. Family. What changes need to be made with regard to those closest to you? What does a healthy relationship with your significant other look like? What about the relationship with your children? How will more meaningful relationships with your family impact your quality of life?
  5. Spiritual. What do you feel is God’s purpose for your life? What changes do you need to make in order to grow in your faith? How will a deeper spiritual walk impact your quality of life?
  6. Social. Are you comfortable with the number and types of people that make up your social circles? What changes do you need to make in order to be a better friend? How will richer social relationships impact your quality of life?
  7. Career. Are you utilizing your unique skills, abilities, and passions at work? What would it look like to do your best work? What would it look like if your team was operating at their best? What changes need to take place in order for this to happen? How will doing your best work impact your quality of life?

Like I said, that’s a lot to consider. I can easily conceive of at least two goals for each category; but 14 goals is just too much to carry. The list needs to be trimmed down. Personally, anything over 5 is out of the question; and even that is pushing it. So the next step is to cull the list. Look at the last question I added to each category. Prioritize your list based on the level of impact you feel each goal will have on your life. Decide how many you think you can reasonably work on and put the others aside. Those can be saved for later on, after we’ve made significant progress on the most important ones.

Of course, just having goals identified isn’t enough. We need to have a plan to help us achieve them. Next week, I’ll share the goals I’ve set for myself and the strategies I’m putting in place to achieve them. Until then, I’d love to hear what you come up with.

Winning When You’re Not Ready

Posted on by Scott

Jim-Thorpe
Agence Rol [Public domain] , via Wikimedia Commons
The 1912 Summer Olympics, held in Stockholm, Sweden, proved to be a busy one for American Jim Thorpe. An accomplished athlete, Thorpe was scheduled to participate in four events – the long jump, the high jump, the pentathlon, and the first-ever decathlon. Combined, he was set to compete in 17 different contests, each with potentially multiple heats, over two days.

Born in 1887, Thorpe was a natural athlete. He started playing football in high school; but soon added baseball and lacrosse (along with ballroom dancing) to his resume’. However, it was his performance on the football field that made him a household name. He earned collegiate All-Star honors in both 1911 and 1912. Carlisle Indian Industrial College won the 1912 national championship largely due to his involvement – he scored 25 touchdowns and 198 points during that season.

It wasn’t until the spring of 1912 that Thorpe turned his thoughts to competing in the Olympics and began training. Just a few months later, he now reached for his shoes in anticipation for his first event. There was just one problem, though.

His shoes were gone.

Thorpe’s track shoes – his most valuable pieces of equipment – had been stolen. But there was no time to track them down. The first event was about to start. If Thorpe didn’t report to the starting line quickly, he would be disqualified. The starting gun simply would not wait.

While few of us can relate to the pressure of competing in an Olympic event, most of us can understand feeling ill-prepared for the starting gun. Maybe it’s a big work presentation, an important client meeting, or the start of the next sales cycle – despite your best efforts, you can find yourself feeling not quite ready for the clock to move forward. Numerous times over my career, I’ve found myself feeling like I need a time-out in order to gather myself before launching into something big.

Perhaps one or more of these scenarios seems familiar to you.

  • You’re feeling swamped. Sometimes the pressure of too many things on your plate can make you want to call for a time-out. When the calendar is full and deadlines start getting close, the pressure can be overwhelming.
  • You’re feeling thrown off guard: Sometimes you think you’re ready, but factors outside of your control move against you at the last minute. Family issues pop up, market conditions change, and coworkers let you down. All can leave you feeling off-balance.
  • You’re feeling ill-equipped. Equipment can fail. Supplies can prove to be inadequate. Help can be out of reach. Finding yourself without key resources can be a significant setback to even the best of us.

Eventually, you’ll find yourself between a rock and a hard place; between the need for more time to prepare and an unmovable deadline. Maybe it’s now, at the end of the year with less than a week to the end of one year and the start of the next.

What do you do?

Try following Jim Thorpe’s lead.

  1. He didn’t give up. As tempting as it must have been to throw in the towel, Thorpe didn’t. He didn’t forfeit. And he didn’t spend time worrying about what had happened to his shoes. Don’t waste precious time dwelling on things outside of your control. Focus on what you can do.
  2. He found an alternate solution. Thorpe pulled two mismatched shoes from a garbage can. He put extra socks on his left foot to compensate for that shoe being too big. Don’t let the absence of a perfect solution hold you back. Find a way to move forward.
  3. He ran like a champion. Thorpe shook off any self-doubt he had and resolved to get the job done. More than that, he resolved to win. Don’t just participate. Compete to win; no matter what it takes.

Thorpe won four of the five pentathlon events wearing mismatched shoes and earned the gold medal. That same day, he qualified for the high jump final and took seventh in the long jump. The next day, he placed no lower than fourth in all ten events of the decathlon and received that gold medal as well.

The New Year is upon us. The starting gun is raised. Like it or not, the game is about to start. What do you say champ? Ready to race?

“Jim Thorpe, 1912 Summer Olympics” by Agence Rol is licensed under PD-1923.

Are You Still Hungry?

Posted on by Scott

waiting2-e1450143761943Christmas is right around the corner. The New Year is less than two weeks away. And as you prepare to close the books on 2015, I have just one question for you…

Are you still hungry?

Remember the excitement you felt when you first started this job? Remember the fire that burned deep inside – the one that made you dream big and work hard? Do you still feel the drive to do great things?

Hunger is the most basic of needs. When you are hungry, nothing matters until you sate your appetite. When you are hungry – really hungry – you think of nothing else except satisfying that need. Hunger keeps you moving. It keeps you searching. It keeps you working.

This has been a good year. It’s been a great year. If you haven’t already, you need to stop right now and make a list of all the things you’ve accomplished over the past 12 months. I am shocked at what my team and I have done in such a short amount of time. But with all we’ve done – with all you and your team have done – there’s still more to do.

Is your head still in the game?

Do you still believe there are great things to be accomplished?

Are you still convinced that you have something special to offer?

Is this the team?

Are you the one?

Are you still hungry?

Because if you are, then this is not the end of the year; it’s the beginning. It’s not the finish line; it’s the starting line. And it’s time to get moving.

Everything up to this point has been practice. Everything up to now has been conditioning. Everything up to today has been preparation for our best work. As far as I’m concerned, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

My grandmother used to cook some incredible holiday meals. She would work all day to prepare a feast fit for a king. In the days leading up to a family gathering, she would say repeatedly “I hope you’re hungry. Bring your appetite.” I always did.

I remember one year at Christmas one of my cousins arrived having already eaten elsewhere. He didn’t have much of an appetite and only nibbled here and there. The look of disappointment on my grandmother’s face was unmistakable. Here was a bounty just waiting to be enjoyed. The table was set. The smells were overwhelming. The bounty was within arm’s reach – just waiting to be tasted. But he wasn’t hungry enough to act.

The table is set.

The feast is about to begin and there’s plenty for those who want it.

Are you still hungry?

The Art of the Do-Over

Posted on by Scott

goalsNow that the hustle and bustle of Christmas is over, attention turns to New Years. Across the globe, people are busy deciding where they will be and who they will be with as they count down the final minutes of the year and celebrate the arrival of 2015. For many, this also means making New Year’s resolutions – commitments to changes in behavior that will improve their lives.

According to research conducted by the University of Scranton, the most popular resolutions made for 2014 were:

  1. Lose Weight
  2. Get Organized
  3. Spend Less/Save More

That same study however, also found that only 8% of those who make New Year’s resolutions actually succeed in achieving them. As soon as one week after making their resolution, 25% report they’ve already broken them. Less than half are still on track after six months. That’s an alarming rate of failure. In fact, I know a great many people who have become so frustrated with their inability to achieve their resolutions that they have decided to stop making them.

We all make promises, to others and to ourselves, that we fail to keep. We fail for any number of reasons; lack of time or money, demands placed on us from others, even random and unforeseen circumstances. But one thing that seems to act as a stumbling block for me is self-control. I sometimes find myself struggling between that which I should do and that which I want to do. For instance, I know I should jump on the treadmill in my backroom for twenty minutes but I’d rather spend that time browsing the internet or watching TV. I should buckle down and finish the big report I have due for work, but I’d rather check out what my friends are doing on Facebook. This lack of discipline keeps me from achieving the goals I’ve set for myself and cause me a great deal of frustration.

Is it any wonder then that, every December, so many of us make the same resolutions we did the year before? How can we overcome this natural tendency to lose steam and forgo the needs in pursuit of the wants? Wharton professor Katherine Milkman offers one suggestion in a strategy she calls the “fresh-start effect.”

Milkman feels that, rather than getting frustrated with our inability to stay on track, we embrace it. Knowing that our motivation to perform is strongest in the days and weeks following a milestone, we should use them to initiate a fresh start toward our goals. Here’s how she puts it:

“At the beginning of a new week, the start of a new month, following a birthday, or after a holiday from work, people redouble their efforts to achieve a goal. Why? Because in these fresh-start moments, people feel more distant from their past failures. Those failures are the old you, and this is the new you. The fresh-start effect hinges on the idea that we don’t feel as perfect about our past as we’d like. We’re always striving to be better. And when we can wipe out all those failures and look at a clean slate, it makes us feel more capable and drives us forward.”

As a kid, I loved do-overs. So did my friends. We made a point to allow a certain number of do-overs in any pick-up game we played. It allowed us to focus on being successful rather than on being a failure. I think it’s sad that as grown-ups we seem to have forgotten the art of the do-over. Not that everyone gets an unlimited amount of free passes (even as kids we only allowed one or two per game); but we can all use a fresh start from time to time.

As you look forward to 2015 and make your list of resolutions – or goals, or commitments, or whatever you want to call them – aim for excellence, not perfection. Know that you don’t always have to get it right the first time. Know that if at first you don’t succeed…well, you know the rest.

 

What Are the Odds?

Posted on by Scott

Lucky DiceThe odds of bowling a 300 game are 1 in 11,500.

The odds of being hit by lightning are 1 in 576,000.

The odds of getting a royal flush on your first five cards are 1 in 649,740.

The odds of winning the jackpot MegaMillions lottery are about 1 in 175,000,000.

The odds of you being born in your particular time, place, and circumstances are about 1 in 400,000,000,000.

You are a miracle. The probability of any of us being born exactly as we are is so remote, that your very presence on this earth should be a constant source of amazement. The odds of you being who you are, where you are, are so remote; your existence cannot be an accident.

You have been given a unique set of talents and interests. You have experienced a unique sequence of events that have molded you into the person you are today. There never has been, and never will be, anyone like you. You have something to offer the world.

Here’s a question for you: What do you have to offer?

Here’s another one: What have you chosen to do with it?

You are here for a purpose. The unique entity that is YOU is here for a reason. No one else can do what you do, the way you do it. Whatever it is that you bring to the table, it should not be wasted. There are people around you – right now – who need what you have to offer.

There are only a few weeks left in 2014. Pretty soon, we’ll be turning the calendar and celebrating the start of a new year. It’s a time of reflection and a time of planning. As you wind down the last few days of the year, spend a little time thinking about your unique value proposition and how you have used it to help others this year. Then, take a few more minutes and map out a plan for 2015. Think about how you can make an impact.

Most people won’t do this. They’ll celebrate, and then keep on doing the same things (or not doing them). 2015 will look just like 2014; and the world will be a little less bright because they will have chosen to keep their unique gifts to themselves.

But what if just one decided to buck the trend? What if just one made the decision to take their special talents and use them – at every opportunity – to make the world around them a better place? And what if that decision made all the difference?

What if that person was you? What are the odds of that?