How Leaders Communicate, Part 5

play-stone-1738158_640Over the past few weeks, we’ve looked at four different types of leaders. Specifically, the focus has been on how leaders communicate. Each leadership style uses language to a particular end.

Visionaries communicate in order to share a vision and inspire the team to reach high.
Captains communicate to define goals, clarify job-roles, and provide accountability.
Mentors communicate in order to share knowledge and expand the skill sets of others.
Cheerleaders communicate in order to encourage, recognize, and reassure those around them.

The most effective leaders don’t rely on just one style of communication. The best leaders understand that they have to adopt different leadership styles depending on the people and circumstances they find around them. You may identify strongly with one style; but you can’t just rely on a single mode of communication and lead adequately.

For instance, I’m very comfortable communicating as a Visionary leader. I love talking to people about what’s possible and dreaming up solutions to problems. But if that’s all I do – if that’s the only thing I talk about – I’m not going to be an effective leader. I have to balance my communication across all four of the styles we’ve explored.

Visionaries have to step back from dreaming and help people develop the skills they need to achieve those dreams. So I have to communicate like a Mentor. People need to understand how their role fits into the big picture that I’ve drawn for them and be given a specific role to play. That means I have to communicate like a Captain. And people like to be recognized. Who wants to work in a world where there’s no reward for effort? So, even though it’s not my natural tendency, I have to communicate like a Cheerleader.

This is why true leadership is so hard. You have to work at it to be good at it. Even then, you never really feel like you’re as effective as you could be…or should be. Effective leaders are always trying to communicate more effectively. They’re never satisfied with their own performance.

So there’s yet one more way leaders communicate. They ask questions.

“What do you need from me?’
“How can I help?”
“What do you think?”
“How can we improve this?”
“What should I be doing better?”

When leaders speak, they generally ask questions. They lead us to get involved and leave us having learned as much from us as we have from them. Take a moment and think about your communication style. Do you ask enough questions? Do you seek out input on your own improvement? Do you value the words of others more than your own?

That’s how leaders communicate.


If there’s one message that I hope you received through this series, it’s this: You are a leader.

Every single one of us is born with the capacity for leadership. But not everyone chooses to make use of this gift. Actually, most people never do. They go through life wishing they were a leader, or bemoaning the lack of adequate leadership around them. Worst yet are those who understand what they are capable of, but decide to ignore this natural ability.

I hope you’ve thought about your own leadership style this month and how your communication patterns influence the people around you. We don’t need more leaders, we already have enough. They’re all around us. What we need are men and women who make the choice to lead.

Leadership is not a position. It is a choice.

How Leaders Communicate, Part 4

play-stone-1738170_640There is a leader within you. It’s not something you have to go to school for, or a degree you earn from any University. No, you were born with leadership skills. You may choose to undergo training in order to develop your leadership ability, but make no mistake – the aptitude is there. All you have to do is choose to be a leader.

Communication is the primary tool of the leader. Leaders understand that the words they speak have power. They have weight. Words carry, and create, emotion. So leaders use words to inspire people, to relay expectations, and to help others grow. They also use words to lift people up. That’s the role of a leadership style called the Cheerleader.

Cheerleaders are encouragers. They cherish relationships and are always looking to share positive outcomes.

The Cheerleader’s strength lies in boosting the energy levels of those around them. They excel at motivating the team. Their language tends to focus on:

Recognition – Cheerleaders look for the positive in other people. They try to find more good than bad.

Organization– Cheerleaders help simplify seemingly complex tasks. They focus on small, manageable steps to accomplish large goals.

Motivation – Cheerleaders have a never-say-die outlook. Even when things aren’t going so well, they encourage others to do their best.

Ultimately, success for the Cheerleader means teamwork. They’re happy when people are pulling together toward a common goal.

How Cheerleaders communicate:
* Their energy level is consistently high.
* Their enthusiasm is contagious and promotes a positive attitude in others.
* They remain positive about the future even when the going gets rough.
* They focus more on what people do right than what they do wrong.
* They create an atmosphere of cooperation vs. competition.

 Things Cheerleaders say:
“Great job!”
“Here’s what you did well.”
“This is why your contribution is so critical.”

 Questions Cheerleaders ask:
“How did you do that?”
“How can we capitalize on this?”
“What can we learn from this?”

When Cheerleaders speak, they touch our heart. They lead us to believe in ourselves and leave us motivated to achieve more. Take a moment and think about your communication style. Do you actively recognize the positive contributions of others? Do you help people find small ways to improve? Do you keep the team oriented in a forward direction, even when things aren’t going that well?

That’s how leaders communicate.

How Leaders Communicate, Part 3

play-stone-1738167_640There is a leader within you. Some people believe that unless you have an official title, you can’t be a leader. But authority does not equal leadership. Titles have nothing to do with it. In fact, some of the greatest leaders I have ever known never supervised anyone. They simply chose to tap into their natural leadership ability – the same ability that lies within each of us.

You can spot a leader by the way they sound. People who choose to lead sound different from everybody else. They realize the impact that words have on the people around them and have chosen to use theirs carefully. Visionary leaders speak in ways that inspire us. Captains are leaders who use language to provide clarity and focus. Another type of leader is the Mentor.

Mentors are teachers. They have a tendency to build close relationships and a natural inclination to dig for answers.

The Mentor’s strength is developing other people. They excel at helping others get better at their jobs. Their language tends to focus on:

Training – Mentors are good at passing along information you need to perform well.

Coaching– Mentors are good at demonstrating the proper way to perform a skill and help guide you as you improve.

Conflict resolution – Mentors are good at deciphering the source of interpersonal conflict and helping people find workable solutions.

Ultimately, success for the Mentor means improvement. They’re happy when people are growing and developing new skills.

How Mentors communicate:
* They make job-related information readily available to others.
* They deliver criticism tactfully and constructively.
* They dedicate time to developing each member of the team.
* They tailor coaching based on the needs and personalities of the individual.
* They look for on-the-job opportunities to grow the skill set of each team member.

 Things Mentors say:
“You need to know this.”
“Let me help you get better.”
“Let’s find a workable solution.”

 Questions Mentors ask:
“Who would benefit from this information?”
“How can I help someone grow today?”
“How can we overcome this barrier?”

When Mentors speak, they expand our minds. They lead us to grow beyond our self-imposed boundaries and develop skills we might not even know we have. Take a moment and think about your communication style. Do you actively share knowledge that will help others improve? Do you take advantage of opportunities to demonstrate skills your teammates would benefit from? Do people leave you with higher levels of competence and confidence?

That’s how leaders communicate.

How Leaders Communicate, Part 2

play-stone-1738163_640There is a leader within you. Some people believe that leadership is a rare gift; that only a few are born with the raw material necessary to lead others. I don’t. I believe there’s a leader inside each and every one of us. We just have to choose to activate the potential we already have.

An easy way to identify a leader is through the words they use. People who have chosen to lead talk differently. They choose their words carefully in order to positively impact those around them. But not all leaders sound alike. There are different types of leaders and language typically reflects someone’s natural leadership style. Some are Visionaries – leaders who inspire us to dream and band together in pursuit of what’s possible. Others are Captains.

Captains are doers. They have a tendency for understanding the details as well as a drive to delegate. With a focus on the endgame, they create and execute strategies that move the team closer and closer to the goal.

The Captain’s strength is focus. Like the captain on a ship, this leadership style makes sure the right people are in the right place, doing the right job. They maintain efficiency so that effort is not wasted. Their language tends to focus on:

Goal-setting – Captains very clearly articulate what defines a win. They focus not just on the end result, but on the behaviors that lead to that result.

Delegating– Captains put the right person on a job and clearly spell out what is to be done.

Accountability – Captains hold people responsible for their actions. They are not afraid to apply appropriate consequences (both good and bad).

Ultimately, success for the Captain means achieving the goal. They’re happy when the game is won.

How Captains communicate:
* They know when to stop planning and start implementing.
* They take the initiative to make things happen.
* They delegate responsibilities and clarify job roles.
* They confront performance issues that need to be addressed.
* They consider the short and long-term consequences (pro and con) of decisions.

Things Captains say:
“Here’s how we win.”
“Here’s your role.”
“Here’s how you’re doing.”

Questions Captains ask:
“What needs to get done?”
“Who is the best person to accomplish this?”
“How are the members of the team performing?”

When Captains speak, they focus our attention. They lead us to act and leave us in a state of forward motion. Take a moment and think about your communication style. Do you actively share your expectations for performance? Do your words bring clarity to the job roles of those on your team? Do people leave you focused on the task at hand?

That’s how leaders communicate.

How Leaders Communicate, Part 1

play-stone-1738160_640There is a leader within you. In fact, I believe the traits of four distinct leaders are hard-wired into your DNA. Whether you believe it or not, you were born with the capacity to lead others. Some people choose to ignore this ability, while others do what they can to develop and harness it. It’s my desire to help as many people as possible tap into this extraordinary gift. Our families, teams, and communities are desperately hungry for empowering leaders.

One way that you can recognize a leader is through their language. Leaders speak differently. They understand the power of words and utilize them to improve the people they come into contact with. Leaders are people we want to listen to because the words they use have been carefully chosen in order to have a positive effect.

So, what do leaders sound like?

Let’s take a look at the language of leadership by examining each of the four leadership styles that exists inside each of us. We’ll start with a leadership style called the Visionary.

Visionary leaders are idea generators. They carry an internal picture of a better future, and they can’t wait to see it come to fruition. They eagerly share that vision with others. But beyond simply dreaming of a better tomorrow though, a Visionary also carries a sense of what it takes to get there. They see not just potential, but the steps necessary to get from point A to point B.

The Visionary’s strength is purpose. They remind us why we’re here, what we’re fighting for, and why it’s a worthy cause. Their language tends to focus on the following:

Strategy – Visionaries quickly identify the goals that matter. They communicate the big picture plan that drives the team.

Inspiration – Visionaries paint a vivid picture of what the team is trying to accomplish. They tap into our inner desire to be part of something bigger than ourselves. They also help us see that every job matters.

Team-building – Visionaries help us see how all the pieces of the puzzle fit together. They see not just the big picture, but how each of us rely on each other in order to create it.

Ultimately, Visionaries communicate with the intention of engagement. They’re happy when the team, along with every individual, is maximizing their potential.

How Visionaries communicate:
* They approach the job with imagination and originality.
* They identify the core elements of an issue.
* They remain open to new ideas and ways of doing things.
* They communicate how each person’s job performance impacts the organization.
* They inspire each person to achieve their full potential.

Things Visionaries say:
“Here’s the plan.”
“Here’s why it is important.”
“Let’s do this!”

 Questions Visionaries ask:
“What’s missing?”
“What if?”
“What’s next?”

When Visionaries speak, they touch our soul. They lead us to dream and leave us inspired. Take a moment and think about your communication style. Do you actively share your vision of the future? Do your words encourage team-work? Do people leave you inspired to do their best work?

That’s how leaders communicate.

To Prepare for Your Next Meeting, Just Ask Questions

questions-2110967_640I’m constantly amazed at how ill-prepared people are for meetings. It doesn’t matter what the meeting is about, who’s in attendance, or what their particular role is – someone always shows up having not done their homework. In my opinion, a lack of preparation indicates a level of disrespect for the organization, the task at hand, and other peoples’ time. It also makes you look foolish.

There may indeed be instances when preparation is difficult. Last minute additions to the agenda, for instance, can put you at a disadvantage. Unclear expectations can lead you to focus on the wrong kind of preparation. Sometimes, you just have a hard time getting your hands on the necessary information. But, far too often, a lack of preparation isn’t due to any of these; it’s simply something people neglect to do. We assume we can walk into a meeting and wing it. Sometimes it works out. Many times, it doesn’t.

To avoid the issues of embarrassment, wasted time, and meaningless discussions, meeting organizers would do well to structure their gatherings appropriately. This includes having the right kind of meeting, as well as incorporating the right elements throughout. But to foster effective communication, everyone should engage in at least a modest level of preparation for each meeting topic. All you have to do is focus on the basics. Just ask, and answer, a series of questions.

Questions are the primary tool of an effective leader. By simply asking questions, we open up discussion, inspire new ways of thinking, and invite change. It’s not those who provide answers who create engagement, but those who ask questions. And there’s no better place to ask questions than during your team meetings. Here are a few you might consider.

WHO: Who are the key players in this task or project? Who are influencers? Who are detractors? Who has a particular role to play or information to provide?

WHAT: What is going on? What are the significant events that brought us to this discussion? What needs to change? What steps need to be taken going forward?

WHEN: When did significant events take place? When do we have to make a decision? When can we expect members to complete their assigned tasks?

WHERE: Where can information be found? Where should our focus be? Where do our significant opportunities and challenges lie?

WHY: Why is this topic important? Why is action warranted? Why should we care? Why is the right person to handle it?

HOW: How should we approach this? How can we make this continues or ceases to take place? How can we ensure compliance or action? How can we take advantage of the situation we’re in?

The next time you facilitate a meeting, try asking more than you tell. Before you attend your next meeting as a participant, prepare by reviewing the available materials and asking some questions. Jot them down…and ask them.

How well is questioning used in your team meetings? Do you have some go-to questions that help stimulate discussion and discovery? How else do you prepare for an effective meeting? I invite you to share your experience.


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Four Conversations You Should Have With Your Boss

yada-yada-1430679_640It goes without saying that regular communication between you and your manager is one sign of a healthy relationship. Ongoing, meaningful conversations are necessary to maintain your connection and ability to “read” each other. When you and your boss are in sync, work is smoother, more efficient, and more productive.

If contact is infrequent or impersonal, it can signify a lack of trust or a lack of engagement. Either is a sign of a degrading relationship and should ring alarm bell sin your head. A lack of regular communication is a symptom of larger issues that need to be addressed before things go too far. Should you find yourself wondering if you need to communicate more, you probably do.

But what kind of conversations should you and your manager be having? Beyond an exchange of pleasantries or questions about weekend plans, what kind of topics ought to be at the center of your dialogue? Here are four types of conversations you and your boss should be having:

The “What’s going on?” conversation: You and your manager should make an effort to keep each other in the loop regarding the current state of the business.

  • Discuss your numbers – What’s driving them? Is that spike or dip an anomaly or something we should have expected? How are the activities the team engages in day-to-day affecting performance?
  • Discuss your customers – What are they saying? What hits and misses have impacted your ability to serve lately? What are they getting somewhere else that you aren’t providing?
  • Discuss your team – Are people happy and engaged? If so, why> If not, why not? What seems to be working or not working as a team?

The “What’s coming up?” conversation: You and your manager should make an effort to look ahead in order to anticipate problems or spot opportunities.

  • What are the issues keeping your boss up at night?
  • What outside factors are putting pressure on the business?
  • What outside factors might provide an advantage for growth?

The “How can I help you?” conversation: Your manager has their share of projects to manage. You should be looking for ways to help them be successful. Never miss an opportunity to make your boss look good.

  • Identify ways you can add value.
  • Communicate your specific steps you can take and your desire to help.
  • Follow through with any commitments.

The “Will you help me?” conversation: It’s the job of the boss to help you, so they’re expecting this one. Save this conversation for last to illustrate your desire to work as a team, but don’t just dump your problems at their feet.

  • Identify specific steps you’d like for the boss to take.
  • Communicate the necessity of acting and the impact their actions will have.
  • Express gratitude for their continued support.

It’s tough being a boss. People look at you differently and most try to avoid conversations – either out of fear or a desire to appear independent. But your boss has the same needs you do – they want people they can talk to, confide in, and collaborate with. Make a point to be that person.


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The Most Important Relationship of Your Career

gears-1666498_640There’s no shortage of advice for managers out there. Scores of books have been written about managing employees, leading great service, and working with outside entities. It’s easy to find articles, videos, and even live training events focused on these topics. But when it comes to working with your boss, what’s called “managing up,” there’s little help to be found. A few are blessed with a relationship where communication flows freely and minds seem to be in sync. Most have to stumble their way through, approaching each interaction with a mixture of anticipation and dread.

That’s a shame, because your relationship with your direct supervisor is probably the most important one of all. When someone is in a position to provide you with the access, resources, knowledge, and support necessary to be successful, it stands to reason that this would be a relationship worth cultivating. The times I’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy a mutually beneficial relationship with a boss have been the most productive and rewarding of my career. The better your priorities mesh with those of your boss, the smoother things go for both of you.[Tweet “The better your priorities mesh with those of your boss, the smoother things go for both of you.”]

Take a few minutes and think about your relationship with your current supervisor. Would you say its “great,” “ok,” or “barely existent?” More importantly, why do you think that is? As you ponder what’s working and not working with respect to this all-important partnership, here are a few more questions to consider.

  • How often do you and your boss communicate? Frequent communication is a sign of a healthy relationship. If you and your manager rarely speak, how can they possibly understand your needs? How can you understand theirs?
  • When you do speak, what form does the conversation take? Is it collaborative, encouraging, and meaningful? Or is it stiff, to-the-point, and conducted on the fly? If you and your manager never share a meal, laugh together, or discuss common non-work related interests, it may be time to bond. Personal, informal communication is another sign of a healthy relationship.
  • How much do you and your boss know about each other’s work projects, daily struggles, and career ambitions? What is your leader working on right now? What keeps them up at night? Understanding the issues that drive someone forward helps you frame your priorities in light of theirs. Seeing where their passions lie allows you to identify ways you can be of service.
  • How much do you trust each other to get things done? To do the right thing? Any relationship without trust is doomed to fail. Do you see your boss as someone who can be counted on? Do they see you this way? Without trust, there is no relationship.
  • If you had the opportunity to choose another boss, would you? Would they choose a different person to fill your position? Are you working for your boss, with them, or against them? Examine your own motives and behaviors before questioning theirs.

It can be easy to grumble and complain about someone who appears to be standing in the way of progress. Often, that someone is the boss. But it’s just as easy to forget that they too have a job to do. They have goals and expectations, competing interests vying for their attention, and obstacles they are working to overcome. As hard as it may be to believe, they are people too.

Forging meaningful relationships always requires two people. Both have to be willing to meet in the middle, share information, and work together. It’s true of personal relationships and it’s true in the workplace. The stronger the relationship, the more quickly and effectively work gets done. Put some effort into “managing up” and see how much easier both of your jobs can be.


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When Good Leaders Do Bad Things

egg-583163_640Addressing conflict is one of the key responsibilities of a leader. It’s not a fun job; in fact it’s often quite messy. Nevertheless, it has to be done in order for a team or organization to operate effectively. Conflict rarely resolves itself. While things may eventually seem to smooth out on the surface, there are always scars. Poorly handled conflict results in missed growth opportunities, the loss of top performers, and an unstable environment for those left behind.

It’s worth noting that, even as they should be working to resolve conflict, many managers act in ways that cause or escalate it. Certain actions, or inactions, by those in charge actually create tension and uneasiness that leads to conflict. Adept leaders regularly assess their own performance to ensure they aren’t adding to the very issues they try to prevent.

In a 2003 study of group dynamics and conflict, researchers identified five core beliefs that seem to move individuals toward conflict with each other. As leaders, we need to be on the lookout for these and do our best to address them before things get out of hand.

The first of these beliefs is Superiority. This is the feeling that I or my group is in some way superior to another individual or group. This belief can foster a sense of entitlement or protected status that puts people at odds. Managers who treat certain groups or individuals differently than others – giving them special privileges or ignoring sub-standard performance – cultivate this belief.

The second conflict-promoting belief is Injustice. This s the feeling that I have mistreated or slighted in some way. The pursuit of justice or even revenge can lead to escalating levels of conflict. Managers create a sense of injustice by adopting policies or practices that seem unfair, self-serving, or unequally applied.

A third belief to be aware of is Vulnerability. Here, an individual or group feels they have little control over important aspects of their work. A feeling of vulnerability can cause someone to act defensively or even aggressively if they feel a core part of their identity is being threatened. Managers make people feel vulnerable when they withhold resources and information necessary to do their best work and when they turn a deaf ear to reasonable requests.

Distrust is another belief that leads to conflict. Often due to being let down in some fashion, individuals who develop a feeling of distrust for others are less likely to collaborate. Teams who distrust others, or the organization, often isolate themselves and develop subcultures that eventually come into conflict with others. Managers sow distrust by failing to follow through on commitments, communicating dishonestly, and generally acting in ways contrary to their stated values.

Finally, Helplessness can lead to conflict. Helplessness is the belief that nothing you do matters in the big scheme of things. No matter how carefully you plan and act, the odds are stacked so heavily against you that success is impossible. Managers create a feeling of helplessness by setting unrealistic goals and regularly focusing on the negative without recognition of positive performance.

Keep in mind that these are core beliefs held by an individual or team. It doesn’t matter whether or not an actual injustice has occurred. All that matters is the perception that it has taken place exists. It’s become part of the affected person’s worldview. It is this belief that lays the foundation for conflict to occur. Perception is reality and, without something to counteract them, these beliefs can fester and grow until conflict erupts.

Anyone who thinks being in charge is easy doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Being a leader – a true leader – requires a great deal of focus, energy, and sacrifice. It starts by examining your own actions and taking the steps necessary to create an environment where people feel valued and engaged. Conflict is inevitable, but our participation in it is not.


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Question What You Know

head-776681_640In the course of history, a lot of very smart, successful people have made statements that, in hindsight, seem rather silly. Given their position, expertise, and experience, they felt comfortable making predictions that proved untrue. Consider these examples:

“The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon”. –Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon- Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” — Thomas Watson (Chairman of IBM), 1943

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” — Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.”– Bill Gates, 1981

While these assumptions may appear laughable, they should serve as a warning. Every day, people make assumptions that negatively impact the future of their business, their team’s effectiveness, and even their own relationships. In the absence of good information, seemingly reasonable people fill in the blanks with their own preconceived notions of what is true.

Most people are reluctant to question what they think they know. Some may be reluctant to ask, fearful of looking foolish rather than confident. Others feel comfortable relying on third-hand information to form their opinions. And we’ve all made assumptions about what others think by misinterpreting behavioral clues presented by those around us.

Whatever the cause, effective leaders know better than to make key decisions based solely on a gut feeling. When the business, teammates, or customers are on the line, they take action to verify their feelings. Here are some quick tips for moving from assumption to certainty.

Ask – Effective communicators know the importance of listening. That’s why the best ask more than they tell. If you want to know what people are thinking or doing, there’s no better strategy than simply asking them. Be a leader who asks a lot of questions.

Clarify – If it can be misunderstood, it likely will. Assuming you know what someone means can easily send you down the wrong path. Instead of making your own judgment about someone’s intentions, make an effort to clear up any potential misunderstanding. Be a leader who clarifies the ambiguous.

Confirm – Don’t assume that, just because you sent an email to roll out a new process or announced expectations during a meeting, that employees are acting appropriately. Inspect what you expect. Get to the bottom of things by securing proof either first-hand, or from a trusted colleague. Be a leader who confirms what they think.[Tweet “Top leaders know when to trust their instincts and when to ask for help.”]

Everyone falls victim to assumptions now and then. What makes top leaders stand out is that they have learned when to trust their instincts and when those instincts need a little help. As you develop your own leadership skills, learn to rely on assumptions less and less.


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